>>1325
>my family member has passed: my grandmother. This almost creeps me out a bit
well...
how can you find the words for it?it´s pretty hard to describe when someone meets the only problem we all have to face: death.It´s actually creepy to think about it but...

>I am really some bizarro more mainstream version of you?
not sure if it´s really mainstream. Sure I can put my emotions like it´s something special but we are watching how life and death plays into nature. It´s not a matter of being mainstream because it happens to everybody,just that we pretend to not care about it.

>when the year started she was driving. Her condition deteriorated rapidly over the course of the last 4 or so months. It is haunting to me how quickly it happened, though I've seen it happen once before with my other grandmother.
when you get old, there are several periods but one of them is the break down point. You lose your energies all of a sudden and it´s somewhat difficult to get out of it. It doesn´t imply death by any means but you lose a lot of the reasons to keep going when it comes.

>she was very involved with my life even in my teenage years. She helped my family through very tough times in the past
then, you grandma´s death is going to be more painful than mine because of your personal touch and memories with her. Mine however, I didn´t have as much contact as in your case.
>I feel sadness it is mixed with a shocked numbness that I'm not sure will translate to pain later much or not. Part of me is just glad that it is over and she is at peace now. so in a way I am at peace.
If you have accepted that it´s dead and feel numb for now, then you are not going through the 5 stages of loss as written over there.
Your brain will live in a bubble because it doesn´t want to think about it because your life has to move on and you cannot focus or doesn´t see convenient to stop at this. However, those feeling will explode whenver you get introvert or think about life values or have a hard day with yourself. That´s when they will reveal and you will have to handle them completely.