>>4537
>some days (many days), I just want to die

Anon, I know where you're coming from and I can definitely sympathize. I, too, am a slave...technically I'm just above the poverty level in wages, but in actuality-I am indigent. I work 42 hrs a week at a shitty dead-end job & I'm too depressed and demoralized to even try to look for a different job or line of work. There is indeed a lot of darkness and evil in this world...and I sometimes have a really hard time seeing past all of it to the stuff that isn't so bad/negative. I was raised as a Christian, and for a long time I was firm in my faith & would try to spread the word to others...but to be completely honest, my faith has been whittled down so much that I really do not know what to believe in anymore. I want to believe there is a supreme & benign being who loves us & looks out for us...but if I compare the number of prayers I have prayed to the number of prayers that were actually answered, well, after a while it's like, "What's the point? What's going to happen is going to happen regardless of whether I want it to or whether I pray and ask Him for things to go a different way."...So I often feel lost & really just don't know how to find my way back-or to find a new way forward.
All I do know is that the majority of my life (the few parts I can remember at least-which is not much) has been difficult and painful and full of betrayal. I'm no saint, but I've never set out to hurt people the way some people have intentionally set out to hurt me with long-term consequences.
I don't really know where I'm going with this post, other than to let you know you are not alone-because I know all too well what it feels like when you feel like you're screaming into a void.