>>52370
Well cam and doc probably find it annoying and rightfully so. They offer their advice almost every day and I never do anything at all with it. It's like trying to teach your dog a trick they're never going to learn, probably gets frustrating fast. To be fair to myself, I don't ask for advice or even expect it, and I do appreciate when it's given regardless. Nobody I know IRL gives one half of a shit if I live or die, although I imagine that's the case for a lot of people. Also I swear I do try to put some of the ideas into practice but I can never stay consistent with any of them, my shadow or whatever it is that's controlling me wins the battles every time

I've been having murderous thoughts again these last few days, taking revenge on society feels more important than my future or that of my family. For now I've just shut myself in and will try to limit my experience to the two places and people I'm comfortable with, which is easier said than done. But if I don't do it I may lash out in a bad way again and I can't afford to continue down that path