>>1361
>got a wound across the chest, all black for some reason.
Bruh ;_;
Don't worry, the pain was just in an instant even though it was like 1 or 2cm deep, I have lost parts of my right hand and face before and they aren't painful in the dreams that I notice them. I don't even feel those things when I'm awake and they are happening, but I do feel when someone jealous attacks my benis.
>He "temporarily" used his power to block you from using people "who care about you".
I see, the thoughtform did try to isolate me as much as he could in the first couple of months which got me close to an heroing, he wanted me to sacrifice myself by cutting my wrists and setting myself on fire innawoods, but all I did was go to the darkest part of my room like I was told to again (under the desk) and was supposed to sacrifice myself for the Spider Queen and for Lucifuge, I was stopped by a voice claiming to be Dranimarsh (one of the 13 Gods from the cabal) the voice is still here I don't really think its him but it helps, telling me that the whole cabal is proud of me and other comments like that, and he was the one that told me that it was Lucifuge doing it and that Illivryn didn't want me to kill myself. It wanted me to evoke Dranimarsh which I tried in a moment of despair, but didn't manage to pull it off, I have a fear of accidentaly charging something in a wrong way and attracting someone else, which is what started all this, so I'm really bad at charging things now which stunts all my magic. I also am quite scared of working with negative beings since it all started as I know what some of them can do to a person now. Hope this doesn't offend the Cabal, the Spider Queen was very nice to me and saved me many times despite her reputation for harshness.

Regarding isolating me, I also broke my computer because I was told to, and ran away from home or else I would die(it lasted only one night though as I was found), then when I had access to a pc again I didn't dare come to discord, or talk to anyone on sunflower or anything, whenever someone asked me something about what was going on I was told to keep quiet, and I did because of how afraid I was of this thing, people thought I was crazy and I even acted like that in front of the shrink and psychologist that I had to go to, I'm glad I went to the shrink though since I wasn't able to sleep more than a couple hours per night in the beginning, so I got meds that did the job. My parents also found my sigils and realized I was doing "bad juju", so after that and running away from home, I'm sort of under watch and "forbidden from practicing magic"(but I'm here anyways :^) ).

>I didn't mention this before but you have a big heart.
I'm not sure that I'm aware of this tbh.
>You can easily make people to feel sorry for you and run for you to help. This is why Lucifuge was pissed because you "use others" instead of improving by yourself. You were like a big crying baby that needed protection and everyone ran towards you to help you (I know this example is harsh but it's a superpower I didn't have and had to understand in the past weeks.).
Yeah, that's basically me, I don't always do this consciously AFAIK, its like I really am like this, I guess me venting in this post is part of it, this is the first time I mentioned a lot of what happened. I wasn't aware that this was a "superpower".
>In the past If I showed weakness people attacked me further so I had no choice but to become stronger.
That's fucked up, I hate that, I'm glad you turned out ok.