I made a serious breakthrough last night, and another during the day. It's been such a period. Another issue going back to when I was 12 was also finished, it's about how I felt christianity had no hope in it anymore and that no one could defeat the evil of the world using that faith. This feeling remained with me and made me go looking elsewhere. Naturally this was the right thing to do, but yesterday I came back to the place in my mind and emotion, and was able to restore "hope". But it took for me personally to defeat this evil of the world bit by bit during all these years. Back then I didn't know what it was, now I know just how entangled into society it was. All that was left at the time was
>give your soul to Jesus and you'll be saved
which I also saw people do to get a present after the confirmation ritual. They didn't believe in anything but that, but the saints who collected their souls didn't care. They gave them the CD player or horse or whatever they asked for in exchange for their soul.

This is no longer needed, when the evil is broken, you can become immortal yourself.