>>4808
>Maybe I don't know what is modern anymore.

I thought about this today because I had the hunches going around but I have to "organize them" so they turn into a sort of motivation conclusion or something that has a "shape".

So it seems in my childhood I had my "true mind". But that had to go because it was not willing to conform to the retardation of others.
When I was older my mother told me how weird I was back then because when I had to learn the numbers I asked
>What is the point of numbers
She was like who even asks these question. What is wrong with him.
I had many questions like this. I usually got answers in the start but then the answers went into the
>I don't know
or the
>You are too little to know this I will tell you when you get older
As I child I was always wondering or thinking about something. It felt as natural as breathing.
But one day I was in the garden and had a moment of self awareness. I realized I am not thinking. Not just now but for weeks or months before it. When was I thinking the last time? I did not know the answer. It was like dead people realizing they are ghosts because they are not breathing anymore.
That made me mad. I realized I have to think. But about what? ANYTHING! Only dumb people don't think think! Why is the garden this way why is the hose there. JUST FIND SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT.
That was my second mind. That was when the post soviet collapse doom and gloom permeated the society. My country was pretty high on alcoholism and suicide percentages. We were beyond the japs as second place in some years. I did not realize how bad things are around me because I just had to live and endure it. I became kinda silent because i knew everyone was too stressed to answer and everyone is lying because "I am just a child" then they suddenly snap from the stress they put each other through on a daily basis and yelling with the child has no consequences. He will not beat you he will not fire you or call the cops on you. Best venting pieces.