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But what is the white spike. Well it seems I found it by accident. And thanks to my raging destruction towards everything that held me down and reconnecting with Shiva. I realized. As my energy got cleared I felt the energy and understood the images Shiva is portrayed as. I told myself now I will properly do yoga to not disappoint Shiva. Then I said that's not right I will do that to not disappoint myself...

That was the realization that made me understand what the white spike is. It's our self our "true self" This is why Shiva represents the "self". Our essence that got corrupted through our many lives.

And the pain that you feel? It's the false ego. The ideas that "corrupts" you true essence. So what I started to do now that I have like 10+ purification techniques from all kind of weirdness. I realized what I need is to kill and destroy further everything that causes pain. But what it means to destroy something. You break something that it's "essence" gets out of it. The "soul". So I started to break everything that caused pain in me and I noticed some white green thing returning into my body on it's own and the remainder just vanishes. This is your abortion. You have to abort the unwanted things by yourself or the red spike will do that for you. And that psychological pressure and pain and karma? These things need some "trigger" that "breaks" them. This is why you have to endure the pain and if you don't flinch you get back your essence. Because you let that thing "die". If you do something you "preserve" it's form.
No wonder Shiva is true consciousness. We need to destroy everything that is not that. It's a long process. But now they cause pain. All the wrong not "self" thoughts all my old attachments. I can grab them. Make them take form and destroy them in a way I regain my true essence. I thought this might cause problems but I realized I only regain my own essence. What is not mine will not get back to me. This way I cannot "steal" or "lose" anything. It's just weird not having attachments now. All those things I had some desire is the most useless thing ever. You feel empty until you start letting you spirit fill up the hole you created. Also now I have less idea what counts as virtue and what counts as gong. If it hurts it dies. If I have some dumb thought and also starts hurting it gets killed. No exceptions so far.

So the red spike is some real concentrated energy that is shielding our true essence. If you have too much red spikes you become the most aggressive thing. No wonder so many anons said they don't want to be vampires anymore. This is some real potent stuff. Good thing I had similar but weaker wild temperament so I know how to balance it. With the white spike. Which is the energy that "rises" by us refining it to maximum till it gets so pure it reconnects with the true creation. Long journey ahead huh.

I probably still have some misconceptions somewhere. And I understand even less about the vampire spike. Like how was it created and such. But whatever 1 step further on the path.