>>947
>Ask for further help. Sometimes they have good ideas.
I'm still kinda traumatized by it all, I don't know if I should evoke someone from the cabal, I fear the possibility of a harsh lesson tbh, even though the Gods I met in the past have been very nice to me.
As for the vamps, I think I may be disconnected from them, I'm not good at telepathy and the being talks too much for me to hear the more subtle things.

>But at least your shadowwork is revealing itself. You just have to become the person that cannot be messed with. Especially mentally.
Yeah, I feel like I have to become fearless. I think I became pretty good at telling when a thought is mine or not, at least I hope so.

>When you create a weapon you need to know it "hurts".
Interesting, My idea was simply that a strong belief that it works/is powerful and having a good visualization on it doing damage was important seems to not be far from "knowing that it hurts". I hadn't put it into words before or read about it, this helps. I worry about creating a weapon though since I don't want to hurt beings accidentaly, I hurt quite a few beings when I had gong, me having too much gong and little thought control seems to have been an issue tbh, since I could hurt some beings with a single thought.

BTW I remembered once reading a story that seems to be similar to my case. All I know though is that a guy had offended Lilith somehow and for that he was forced to go through intense shadow work for a few years.