At this point ive given up on her ever talking to me again and my prayers are for the sweet relief of forgetting her. But maybe shes part of my punishment for all the shitty things i did during my drug years. It hurts so much. The pain i feel about Channing is the worst thing ive struggled with and wrestled with my entire life. How can one woman ive never even met have such a pull on me? She hates me, wants me to die, etc.

Yet here i am, ready to drag my nuts thru 100 miles of salt and broken glass to lay at her feet...

I think i preferred life before i ever knew who Channing Elizabeth Creager was. 😢