11/27/2022 (Sun) 03:11
I can imagine stuffing Ashley in the guest bedroom of her mom's house and walking out to Thanksgiving dinner with her entire family starring at us from the dining room because we were too loud. Then sitting at the table like nothing happened and talking about how hungry we both are as everyone else picks at their plate because they no longer have an appetite. I'd tell Ashley's mom her food looks great. Everyone would remain silent and I'd ask is something wrong. Then Ashley's mom would immediately get up from the table and tell me "Nothing's wrong, sweetie. You eat as much as you like" and start loading my plate down with mashed potaties. Ashley would be hand-feeding me pieces of ham while giggling to the disgust of everyone else at the table. Then her step dad would ask, "So, what do you think about this ham?" I'd tell him that it's amazing and inform him, "You know, ham tastes a lot like human flesh and cannibals call people meat "long pig" because a roasting man over a fire resembles a roasting pig." He would immediately drop his utensils to his plate and excuse himself from the table to go drink a Coors Light in the garage. I'd ask to tag along but her mom would tell me she better just go grab one for me. Then Ashley and I would share the entire pumpkin pie we brought for everyone else to enjoy. As Ashley takes the leftovers out to the crossover mom mobile, I follow behind with both turkey legs, one in each hand, and an opened can of Ocean Spray cranberry sauce hanging out my pocket with a spoon stuck down in it. Gotta have my bog fruit. Ashley's mom waved us good bye and makes sure to invite us to next year as Ashley's step dad watches from the window slowly sipping his sixth Coors Light. We got all the leftover sstuffing and now Ashley gets to stuff me at home.