is it even possible to not feel like shit for at least a couple of hours?
being happy is an impossibility at this point, but not feeling utterly miserable shouldn't be that much to ask for
at some point mishima said something along these lines: I'm not so sure heaven exists, but I'm certain of the existence of hell (paraphrasing because I'm drunk)
I fucking hate that by each day is passing, I find myself agreeing with what he said more and more
perhaps kierkegaard had it figured it out
without the metaphysical and ethics, life is inherently meaningless
but how the fuck can you accept a higher entity, or an afterlife, or social demands when you can't even remember if the events that spin like a broken record in your head are dreams or memories?
godfucking dammit I just want to sleep
hopefully tomorrow I don't wake up hungover