>>47004
>he can't even understand why I'd prefer death
You have the depth of understanding of a worm. No matter what I do I'm stuck in deep with no way out, and the simple answer at this point is to do nothing. Do absolutely nothing. If you try something, you'll probably lose especially as an outspoken Christian. So the endpoint naturally of that is to lose one's life so as to experience nothing. I don't even want to experience Heaven. I want nothing. This is what happens when someone is overwhelmed with stress, at least in my case. I choose to do nothing because anything I try to do fails due to un-Christian people.