>>51173
>I used to throw my chair around my room and thrash whatever I felt like and I'd yell, cry, and beat myself up until I calmed down.
>I felt that it would just be a waste of damn time as I was about to blow my brains out with my shotgun, so I stopped.

I don't scream, kick or cry. I just usually get too drunk to handle my guns let alone do anything with them. That's how I cope, I just get fucking drunk, then I either go smoke a cigar outside or I lay on the sofa and watch a movie/older sitcom shuffling through my vast DVD collection. I figure time is running out for me anyway, health wise, diabetes and all and I don't even take drugs for it lol, I've been told to my face before "it's only a matter of time". So what? Why should I give a damn? What is the point? Look around us, that is all we have and don't get me wrong I am thankful and glad for what I do have in life. In fact I have been blessed, it's not like I'm poor. I just get bored, terribly bored and lonely at times. Not a total recluse mind you, I still have friends and family. I just tend to get so bored most of the time, everyone else is busy, I have nothing to do most of the time (except for spring which I'm full bore outside landscaping, gardening, chopping wood etc), so I binge drink and eat and watch TV and smoke and puke and sleep and wake up and redo everything over again until a friend has some spare time and calls me up and says to me "let's hang out, we'll knock back some bottles and smoke some cigars!" Problem for me is summer sucks out here! Mosquitos, humidity, it's hot and miserable as fuck! I hate the outdoors out here in summer so I have to drink myself to death to cure the fucking boredom of the indoors! My friends all still work even though they should retire by now, they can't or just choose not to. So I get bored this time of the year and the way I cope is binge drinking. At some point my brain gets too liquidated to notice I even care in the first place and that seems to help me mentally despite the damage to my physical health.