I know nobody cares but if that guy is going to fanfic Bonbi shitting then I'm going to write about my experiences with male masturbation toys. I know you losers are like me and keep up with this thread with an almost ocd like vigilance so you might recall I started with tenga eggs. These are great, honestly, they felt good as fuck but they're ultimately disposable and therefor they could only be used on special occasion. I graduated from those to the tenga spinner, which is a 20 dollar sleeve that actually spins up and down your dick if you use it right. Kind of nuts... anyway at first I didn't like it. It felt TOO good, made my dick too sensitive and therefor it was kind of uncomfortable, BUT as I figured out its quirks I realized it FUCKING RULES. It's a cum machine, seriously. The only issue is with use it became LOUD AS FUCK. I don't live alone so this is an actual problem.

Fast forward to today, I got a Flesh Light in the mail. This is the most well known male masturbator in the world and therefor it had to be amazing right? The one I got is this blowjob simulator... and honestly... it sucks. I'm not even sure why it sucks, but it does. Like it feels good, for sure, but it also feels like... too airy? I can't explain it. It's almost too soft, like I'm fucking a cloud. Now for those of us who have had sex you know there's this sweet spot with vag where it's not TOO lubricated and it's fucking incredible. I couldn't achieve that with this no matter what I tried.

It took me forever to finish and I'm really disappointed consider it was nearly 70 bucks. I hear the Stoya version is incredible and I really wish I got that instead. Hopefully I figure out how to make it work for me. It's definitely quieter than the Spinner, but the Spinner feels absurdly good.