Maybe this should go into politics.
I want to write about unconditional love. Now just as generic love one could feel towards relatives, or pets too, and not exclusively toward romantic partners.
How I see it, unconditional love is really nice thing. Accepting someone else how that person is, with their faults, and without any expectations. The problem is that it is demanded to escape the control of conditional love. Or even worse, to turn the table and subject you to conditional love from the loved one.
Society is hierarchical, even the smallest component of it, the family too is hierarchical. Even if we put two random persons next to each other one will control the situation, make decisions, and the other will follow.
It's the norm to love our spouse, our kids. But someone has to make decisions. If not you, then your spouse and your kids will decide themselves. And if you let it, they will decide for you too (remember what I wrote about power back then).
Let's say you have a kid, stupidest motherfucker who don't want to learn. As a parent you have the power to decide that he has to learn. So you are kind to him when he does his homework. Pet his head, tell kind words, buy a toy (video game) or whatever. He will mistake these manifestations of affection with love, and will think you only love him if he he learns, and you hate him if he's stupid. So he'll demand unconditional love (when he becomes teenager and starts to get it how stuff works and believe himself as a genius for that, but in reality he still knows jack shit), but not for the love itself, but to get rid off your demands of him doing his homework.
Same with spouse.
>if you'd love me you'd let me
>a. fuck the whole neighbourhood
>b. grow my fat ass to giant proportions
>c. spend all our (your) money on clothes
>d. lazy all day and let the house look and smell like a garbage dump
>e. [whatever she shouldn't do]
So she just wants to make her own stupid decisions.
Ofc, you can be the stupidest motherfucker and even the spider in the corner would make better decisions, but this isn't about that.