>>4691

>Do you think things will really get better if you had a change in jobs? I've been around and reading your blogposts long enough to remember similar doom and gloom styled posts regarding your relationship with bingo girl getting serious.

I doubt that very much. However I am in that stage of life where you can still make mistakes and take risks, and as things are going now I stand every chance of dying without ever having lived. What I can say for sure is that the path I am on is wrong. There may well be no right path for me out there, or if there is I may never find it, but you will never have any success unless you go looking for it. You only have one shot at life and what a waste it would be to sit back and let that shot drift away. I feel, in some half forgotten part of my soul, a great yearning and a passion for life that has survived every disillusionment.

I feel very much like someone has pressed the fast forward button, that the decisive era of my life is over and the audience is skipping to the end. I can cast my mind back with uncanny ease to the mind of last year and that of the year before, to every significant moment in between. Even as I type I can feel the gaze of my future self upon these words, filled with somber thoughts of missed opportunities. I visited some family week. They were all so much older than I remembered. So much has already been lost. If I don't act soon then it will all be over in a blink of an eye, this whole beautiful life abandoned to rot. What a crime that would be.