>>4747

I have a bad habit of falling into self indulgent rambling, and on re-reading this is a prime example of this. What I am getting at is that a) I will never be happy living like this and b) given that fact, it feels necessary to take risks.

I also acknowledge that this is a very difficult thing to do of your own accord, at least if you don't naturally trend that way. The prospect of being sacked excites a part of me precisely because the sober part of my mind acknowledges it to be a poor decision, and knows I will never do it unless I am pushed.