Anon 04/15/2018 (Sun) 04:29:29 No.1216 del
>>1209
>are you basically describing myself in terms of the mainstream? I may not be sure how much paranoia I have these days but in November 2016, phew lady, those events and radical changes of view during 4 hours have made me realize about a lot of things. I donĀ“t know what could be considered creative but I guess it has helped to express myself a little bit different from other people.

Though I am about to hit the sack, I will take time to reply to this since I haven't posted for the last couple of days and think I've been struck with the urge.

I will have to give a bit of detail, not for venting purposes but to help you understand where I'm comming from. An event that had the a pretty big impact on my life was the collapse of my social group of friends that I had since I was fairly young. My friends all turned on each other ( and some of the parents too) slowly over the course of my first year of high school. It was downright strange how it happened and I was more of a bystander to it who got grazed some. I still try to wrap my head around the details but basically one of my friends suggested that we should help another who was in are social group, and another one of my friends took it in offense somehow. I'm not going to go into details, but it was the strangest stupidest thing I had ever witnessed. People who I had know since I was five were acting downright out of character. Alliances we made and broken with the strangest part being that the two people who had started out against each other in the first place ended up on the same side. Never anything came up that made any sense to justify this. No SJW logic, no normal inter teenage drama that would allow me to look back on this and at least understand how. There were so many points where it should have been put away by rational people, but no one behaved normally. It just seemed that everyone had gone crazy.

It caused me to not trust people. It just seemed like to me everyone could be insane to me. I would obsess over remembering things because of weird double think that seemed to happen (What are you talking about? I always hated waffles, I don't know how could you be remembering that I liked them for a the past ten years you've know me) . I would notice how a person spoke and what they ate at breakfast all to make sure I wasnt going crazy. I became solidified as a introvert. I withdrew to an almost crazy degree to my interest, sans what few souls I knew who weren't a part of this shitshow. It is also a big reason why I developed the whole edgy, observer of tragedies mentality because I was on speaking terms with most of them and only rarely in the cross fire for most of it, so I got a whole cross section of perspectives. It is also why I became so fascinated with betrayal. Probably one of the reasons why I found myself detached to the mainstream as well. My dad crazy taste in things rubbing off on me because I had no close frieds to hang out with, with the only thing that was new media that I was consuming for awhile was ponies.

Naturally a lot of this things have faded now, but not completely. While not to the point of paranoia, I am still an extremely distrustful and withdrawn to all but a few person. On a brighter note I suppose is that it caused me to accept somethings about myself that I probably would have suppressed if I had a normal teenage social life.