>>2058
>Dark... this is not surface tier edgy, this is legit fatalistic thought. Can't blame ya though. Finding out such things all at once is not something that is easy. If you where of different or of mixed political persuasions that were in conflict of the concusion that was drawn then your pain fear and confusion would be even doubled. Like seeing how some people who thought of themselves as lefties shatter over the rise of the SJWs, (you still be left wihout being sjw though). It's a painful experience when things you trust or assume is true breakdown and it can cause you go in all manner of directions on its own.
and the worst part is that I am not glad of finding it this way. This is not because of feeling like a trendy guy who pretends this is cool. In fact, despite desiring darkness, whenever I write a green, it has to be motivated with something else and even, catching pessimistic inspiration and transmitting different feelings instead (even joy). I don´t look for it as something one has as its gimmick but as a way to find reality.

I am posting Robert Smith again because it felt like that in some way. Pornography during that weekend and finding a purpose the weeks, months and even years after it. That darkness isn´t even darkness nor direct depression but a bigger apathy for things I want to do. Maybe it´s because I am getting older, but I don´t feel like doing the half of the things I used to nor have as much passion as I had like for example in 2014 or 2012. Like having less energy for fighting the things you want. Nothing changed during that weekend around me save my own brain and philosophy about politics. After facing that,it´s like finding new reasons to live and new purposes with the old traditions I have always done but with a negative twist in my mind.

After that, it was like listening to Faith (and I ironically listened to that album during late Winter), finding something else, something to happen and watching happy innocent people chilling around my sight. I have thought that their smiles hold a big value and it would be a big failure if those people lost them by noticing this stuff. I don´t know... time had to happen, day after day without expectations nor looking for the big scheme and pay off for something good, I was there to witness events in general and laugh at myself.

And one of the motifs I found to look for in 2017......was the movie. That should show how low I was aiming at.
>it's not enough to be a factor. Its all in values and environment.
it is.