How does this story work on it's own? Its really hard to say. It depends on how one defines "on its own." This review wasn't completely painstaking but it was a more complex experience than I initially thought it would be. I flirted with several ways to look at this fic and I am not sure how I would rate my end result of putting this fic through a couple of different perspectives.


This fic on its own is a descent to good story. There is some issues with the grammar and flow, particularly in the first 3 chapters or so (something I'll get to in a moment). I did find myself invested in the story and consider it by the end to be very much improved. The story I consider plausible enough for what a lot of people would imagine the royal guard operate. His lonely wanderings through a desert to chase the distant myth of a creature that briefly caught his eye perhaps would be goofy if one were to apply logic. I could see somebody mocking it by saying: "Aw man I lost my house and job so I'm gonna just run into the desert blind!" but I don't think it is much of an issue. I mean there is stories where people have been driven by moments just as fleeting and sometimes even more so. I think the scene where he is at his lowest, about to be taken by the waves, does a very good job of portraying a mix of chasing a wild dream and the self destructive reality of BlueStar venture clashing. Ultimately resulting in him giving up to what he hopes is a peaceful death. The next section is still pretty well done from an emotional perspective but I do think it could have benefited from
an additional chapter showing him starting to adjust to life under the sea with a bit more of his interactions with Stella, as the nature of their relationship was a bit hard for me to discern on first read through but looking again I'm not sure if a slight vagueness is intended.

As for what I think this has to offer to an average fic viewer? Random one off fics centered on OCs don't traditionally do too well as there is both a bad reputation and a lack of emotional connection with the character. I've seen it argued that the pe-established relationships we have with the main cast mean writers often can avoid doing a lot of the ground work of building and establishing the characters, sometimes leading to more freedom but also weaker writing in when dealing with lesser established characters or settings outside of MLP if they try to dabble in such. Your fic can't avoid that as much. Does your fic establish BlueStar well? I'd say mostly. Emotionally I feel for the pony and I think that him and his thoughts in the desert really reveal what type of character he is, but it could benefit from a little more time out with him in Seaquestria. Though the fact that he is just a random OC means that this one off on it's own wouldn't hold a lot of appeal to many people. There is however a lot more to discus than just the surface...