One of the things that makes this fic hard to judge for me is some of the background subtexts and elements related to /endpone/ itself.
This was inspired in part by a more obscure work from a famous national author Forgive me I don't recall if you mentioned the name. Me being unfamiliar with the work puts some of the prior points into question. Was the slight lack of detail more intended? Was there more interesting allusions that I missed? You get the point. It is possible may have been other stuff beyond what can be observed on the surface that I may have missed. The story of a falling out between a... middle aged (the fic suggests that he is somewhat older in years but he also seems pretty immature to me) guardpony's loss of a career, almost death and a self reflective redemption in a new land I presume must share some thematic elements with the story that inspired you.
I must confess something small: I can really like it when fanfiction takes some elements from another work for it's own end, even if I am unfamiliar with the work. Though they haven't been my favorites of all time and my feelings can sometimes be quite complex with them. I love the act itself and I think they sometimes leave a little more to think about. https://www.fimfiction.net/story/5713/the-star-in-yellow This is a very notable example of this. It was originally obscure until it got adapted into the final Rainbow Dash Presents, which is a whole other can of worms. Not calling your story on this level, but as I read through it on a second run it did make me think a bit more. It was fun for me to wonder what was from your other inspirations. I like having to make a second look like that. That is one of the reasons why I split the surface and made this section here. I frankly enjoyed it but I am uncertain how much some random fic reader would affect his or her love of such a work. It is something that doesn't necessarily jump out and scream at you so such an influence may be undetected. Yet I feel that saying it is a complete non factor or a handicap is also wrong. A lot of fics that have done this actually have been on the stronger end and even if it is pretty low key to an exterior observer it still is something that maybe a positive with a few passive observers and isn't a formula to shun for future endeavors.
