Now though. One thing that I feel like I do need to do with this fic is an attempt to access your actual writing skill for once. Beyond just how I felt or an assessment of plot.

>>5419
>Now I am coming back home by taking the train to Canterlot
>Well, someone should explain this to me but maybe later, I am about to come into my house,
Often you use "I am" particularly in the 3 chapters of the fic. To me, this phasing sounds a little awkward, but I am not sure if it's it by itself or because you switch to past tense randomly for other actions.
>I exited the train station and despite seeing ponies wandering in the streets as always,
He exited the train. Past tense. Past tense and present tense can be confusing, especially in normal informal speech when sometimes things can be switched and mixed up. I've mixed them too. I actually not sure if I have the best grip on this either but I think the easiest thing would be to switch it all from present tense to past tense. So instead of something like this:
>Now I am coming back home by taking the train to Canterlot
To something more akin to:
>I came back by train to Canterlot
This:
>I exited the train station and despite seeing ponies wandering in the streets as always, I am noticing a few buildings shattered
To this:
>I exited the train station and despite seeing ponies wandering in the streets as always, I noticed a few buildings shattered.

In later chapters you may still have tense issues but the writing is much better.