>>6920
I can feel part of your pain, Anon.
I have been a hermitanon as well for over 5 years now (spent approx. 7 years with a legitimate sociopath-but I couldn't quite figure out what was "off" about them until 6 years of trying to figure it out, blaming myself, beating my self-esteem to smithereens and becoming damn near suicidal; much pain & damage were inflicted-intentionally-and so once we finally split I knew I needed to take a lot of time alone to let myself heal). Many members of my 'family' had also betrayed me and 'friends' had let me down as well...so I basically gave up on people & trying to form relationships of any kind with people. And the solitude, it was actually theraputic for a few years, but about 6-8 months ago I felt "ready" to start venturing out and rejoin society. But before any of that could happen, my schedule at work was suddenly changed (48 hrs notice) and I went from working M-F from 1600-0000, to working 12-hr midnight shifts with only one day off where I don't have work either in the morning half or the evening half of my day-and that's a Wednesday. Not much luck finding hardly anyone who keeps such a schedule, no weekends off, etc.

But now I crave human companionship so much, but because of the damage inflicted by the last person I allowed into my life, I honestly and truly do not know if I will ever find even a platonic relationship, let alone someone to love who will reciprocate that love. It is a lonely and cold world for me.

I both envy you and feel sympathy for you in that you managed to find a soul connection with someone else-especially considering your hermit status..and got to experience the feelings that come with it. But it truly makes me sad for you that the person you have such feelings for has to go away from you. It is a double-edged sword, I can only imagine. I hope that this pain does not prevent you from venturing out and leaving your shell; because yes, even if you give up your shell, you can return to it if and when you so choose.

I don't know if my words are any help, consolation, or just a rambling post about my failed relationship & attempt to leave my own shell. But be brave, Anon...I don't think we were put here to be all alone all the time (though time to oneself to regroup and reflect without interference is also nice).
Sending you much love, fren. (no homo)