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Straight Florida @StraightFlorida - Video: Attention all northern transplants, snow-karens, and recent tax refugees: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It is shaping up to be the single most catastrophic atmospheric event in Florida history. As you can clearly see from the attached graphic, these two mild tropical depressions have spliced DNA, cloned themselves, and broken off into dozens of rogue, hyper-localized Category 5 hurricanes targeting your exact HOA.
There is only one logical option left: RUN!!!
Immediately pack up your belongings. Grab your daughter Russell, wrangle the shaved emotional-support poodle, and stuff your zero-emissions Lesbaru Outback to the brim with artisanal bottled water. A single sandbag and a three-year stockpile of Costco toilet paper will not protect you from a swarm of micro-cyclones.
Now, you might be asking: "Why aren't the locals panicking?"
Oh, we are terrified. But as Floridians, our self-sacrificing hospitality always comes first. Our primary mission right now isn't our own survival—it is safely evacuating every single one of you back above the Mason-Dixon line. We are a noble, selfless people. We will personally line Interstate 75 to escort your Subarus to safety, hand you a parting Pub Sub, and safely guide you back to New Jersey before we even *think* about securing our own patio furniture.
Please, leave now so we can suffer in peace. Go north, hit the gas, and don't look back!
https://x.com/StraightFlorida/status/2087916595972812907

Susie Wiles @SusieWiles47 - Karoline, you have been nothing short of extraordinary. You have taken on one of the toughest jobs in Washington with confidence, discipline, grace and an unmatched ability to deliver the President’s message. Simply put, you are the greatest @PressSec .
But what has been equally special is that you’ve let us see the woman behind the podium. It has been a privilege to watch you excel as a professional while also being an incredible wife and devoted mom.
You’ve made all of us, who have had the privilege of working alongside you, so proud. I am blessed to call you dear friend and I’m excited to see what your next chapter looks like.
Congratulations, @karolineleavitt !
https://x.com/SusieWiles47/status/2087677085019984322

Susie Wiles @SusieWiles47 - At the Patriot Games, brought to us by ABC, in Geneva, Ohio. POTUS did an interview at the midpoint of the competition. He is much too smart to give any NFL prognostications to Laura Rutledge, ESPN on ABC!