that's actually very relatable (except for the hilariously naive theory at the end with that typical autistic nerd maths logic). and no idk why asian women seem to be the only ones making vids about these topics, don't ask me. but last night I made an ever so slightly selfish comment when I was having dinner with my parents and it turned into an argument instantly. all I did was speak from my own, personal perspective but you'd think I had tried to kill someone. you're just not allowed to exist as you are around people that don't like you. you have to play a character and put in effort to appease them and their egos the whole time. I don't want to do that and I don't want to have other people do that for me either, hence why I don't really leave the house anymore except for grocery runs. I actively avoid my little sister, my dad's friends, the neighbors, everybody. Genuinely ran out of fucks to give sadly. I guess if at some point I can work up the willpower to do something about my health issues and my sleep schedule again, eventually I'd try signing up for some group activity which is how I've eased myself back into socializing in the past (because I've been having "burnouts" like this since puberty and my life has been completely cyclical so far). My hairdresser teaches french on the side and I've always wanted to learn frogspeak