if there was anything that felt like i wanted to do, then i would do that. im always bored, even when something that used to be fun is going on.

i dont have any aspirations or dreams. i have enough money to last for two years at least, i could travel anywhere, and i have done so a bit, but it all still feels meaningless.

Tracking down some terrorists? be james bond? hit the bars?

half of his suggestions are childish nonsense and the rest is hedonistic behaviour. both of which i will happily engage in as coping mechanisms, but to think them anything else is dumb.

just because i want it to be over dont mean i dont fear pain. feeling like i wanna dissapear and have it over with doesnt give me confidence it just makes me feel distant. in that state why would i wanna do anything.