I am done reading vampire's way to psychic self defense.
So far it seems to work but with some variability.
sometimes it feels almost orgasmic to absorb energy this way,
others it barely feels like I've done anything at all and the reverse breathing seems to take a strain on the body..

I also wonder why should i imagine the energy as some kind of dark cloud, why not red, pink, violet or white gold, after all energy is energy says the author ?
it should just be seen as food or so in order for the transmutation to work no?

I am still experimenting as i am dealing with some decade old intrusive thought, which means my visualization gets corrupted as soon as i begin.
I am thinking of imagining some kind of crystal or storage for that energy, maybe make it absorb passively without so much strain on the body, but with how fast my thoughts turns into abominations (seeing myself being a pile of flesh, diseases, multiple heads, gore etc) i am not sure making any kind of thought form would be good.

I also tried making a ball of energy on my finger tip then draining that, again orgasmic feeling, too bad i also created a rodent skull inside no idea how it happened i just messed with the ball color and it started floating on top of it.

so far it seems my visualization is the problem and i wonder how much is my own creation and how much are some foreign entities.
I saw some weird doll like insect being today, she used flashy lights for who knows what, maybe i am losing my marbles but she's was different from my normal visions of gore, I think someone tried to mess with my mind in my sleep but i can't tell for sure.

I apologize for the rant, I guess i could benefit from others experiences.