>>5185
>I should create a really fucking relaxing place
I have several of those... I am just a dick about relaxing and being happy.
3 years ago while my life was kinda at one of it's lowest points while overworking my ass a feeling of bliss and happiness came over me. As that feeling was overcoming my body I told it to FUCK OFF. I said I WILL NOT FEEL HAPPINESS IN THIS SITUATION OF ABSOLUTE SUFFERING I WILL FEEL HAPPY WHEN I AM IN A SITUATION WHERE I WANT TO BE HAPPY.
Yes I know how it sounds. I am kind of a dick about these things because I hate when someone gives you "false happiness" so they can take it away and blackmail you with it.
I am not in touch with my emotions. This is why I am meditating in the "demon pagoda" they come alive and i have no choice but to interact with them.

Even that indian entity told me that I cannot visit his realm because I am "not in touch with my own kindness". Which would make in misunderstand situations and compliments and would just set the place on fire as a result.

Yeah. My emotions patterns are like a cranky baby sometimes. They had no time to mature because I was surrounded with emotional retards while growing up.
Relaxation makes me paranoid. If I am too relaxed I have a fear that something "bad" will happen. I am slowly letting go of it.

>>5186
Nice one. You mostly confirmed what I was suspecting but srsly nice one. You are getting better talking to your sisters and getting touch with yourself. Good sisters with good advice as always