>>5947
>I feel a need to 100% understand
You know the Dunning–Kruger effect I am sure of it but what you might be not aware is that there are several "mount stupids" because you need to reach a "mountain" to see the "height" then instead of falling down you have to grab a pickaxe and take the whole mountain apart piece by piece... And the worst part? Once I understand something and think now i can "Practice and replicate it" my guide appears and says
>K good enough here the next lesson
Then I get a complete paradigm shift and 0 need to "replicate" the previous lesson because it was a mere part of the whole thing and on the big picture just a mere component and there are more pressing components I have to assemble now

>if it’s not replicable then it’s not real practice, it’s just random phenomena,
You are unable to take the same breath twice and unable to look at the same thing with each blink. Things always change a little. Every moment is unique. Every moment is "lost" while it is preserved in "eternity" at once. This is something you will need to understand as you move forward. Wanting "replicability" makes you stress on it too much and causes "performance anxiety" and that literally results for men to be unable to maintain erections. Impotency is not just a thing we have in sex. And "magic" is more harder to control than an erection. While you can control it there are some stimuli you cannot control. Yes you can "practice" but that will not always result in more control but sometimes in more anxiety. There is a "feel" you need to get... how to get it doesn't matter just "do it" and "don't think about it". Yeah I know how fucking hard it is and I too need to understand the way my intuition works everytime and the first steps are always the hardest. (Ok according to my parents I learned to walk and talk so fast they never had an issue with that. For me I just need to get the hang of it and move forward it seems)


>useless for ‘real development’.
You just created a "spook" in your mind. I too had it. I too thought I need a "timetable" that I need to follow and complete instead of making it "natural". You have to understand what "development" means for you and how you are or are not "developing". Your flesh and your mind is always developing. Always changing. We are just unable to notice the constant change. How it always moves to stay at the same place. The reason why I said this because the elements also always move and always change while stay the same forever. And once you feel and understand that movement you can move them as easily as you can move your hands... But first you have to understand how you move your hands. Your brain wired itself to your limbs back in the womb and now you want it to be wired to elemental forces. Hope you understood what level of "development" I am talking about.


Explaining this to you is good btw. I have a reason to revisit my old concepts. I should revisit the books also...

I feel like I should say some other things too but maybe I said enough already.