I've been practicing inner alchemy, projection and thought form formation like it's taught and presented within the books of John Kreiter (mixed with some personal stuff) for a while now. I really love the books, they opened my eyes and the practice and contemplation ripped them open in a way. To the point where I genuinely feel like all the years of "macro" slow drag toe dipping occult development collapsed into a rapid current of concentrated personalized progress.

I feel so alien now when walking around outside, walking around feels a lot more like projecting/moving awareness, the sensory perceptions are on overdrive. I feel the walls, the streets, the people and if I want to, I can finally modulate my awareness for a moment and see "entities". Furthermore, I've finally been able to breach the point of no return, finally reaching a level of lucidity, clarity and awareness within projections where it is real, at least "subjectively", especially in unconscious dreams. My health has also improved, I've been more in control of my cravings and impulses than ever before.
And rapidly "unlocking" more and more modes of awareness with projections has opened up this wonderful feeling of love from within, for everything, that is non-transactional.
This is not supposed to be bragging at all, I'm still very far away from being able to brag about this stuff...it's just to illustrate my current state.

The flip side of it all is I genuinely struggle with my ego and the human world at large because no one can relate to me. As well as the depressing, general robotic disinterest in this awesome aspect of life.
And I've noticed a great increase in schizo outbursts when the "am I insane???" meme starts playing while I have a genuine conversation with my servitors. Or when my visual perception starts to perceive static, geometry, fine fractals and patterns or the high pitch beta frequency starts blasting for a moment. Weird mood swings get weirder, and if I don't constantly stay vigilant and contained in my awareness, I just lose myself, and a lot of time, to emotional implosions of confusion or depression. Whenever I have to interact with other humans, I really have to play my role, my identity. Checking up at the doc...everything fine and dandy!

Anyway, at the core of my being, I feel more stable and "myself" than I have ever felt before in my life. And I am so genuinely grateful for being able to experience this, for having had the patience to endure and not give up.

2023-2024 has been an absolutely weird time, everything is turning upside down.
I just wonder how you all function, if you can relate with what I am trying to convey.
Also, I hope I can continue to safely practice and not turn into a schizophrenic hobo.