>>8872 Now I have read it. I consider the story to be written good enough. Actually no, the prose and more detailed descriptions were how I like them. More on the descriptive side. From what I can gather, Starry Skies and his friends are on some sort of coming of age journey, right? Like, more than just them looking for their lost relative.
The world feels like it could be interesting. The characters don't feel bad, but, slightly underdeveloped. I am not sure I can hold it against the story though. Only 15 pages after all.
The strongest critique that I can come up with is that, it felt weird for the first time those two Pegasi they bumped into to immediately start talking about differences in their culture's currency. Don't get me wrong, I love details like this. I found it just a bit odd for it to be right out the gate considering the situation they were in.
>>8748 >I hadn't though much at all about that, other than I was going to hold to the scarcity of unicorns spoken of in Faust's 'pitch bible' - So, for every thousand earth ponies, there's a pterippus, and for about every hundred to a hundred-fifty (census data on this tribe is sketchy) pterippi you can find a unicorn. >Breezy Blue was angry, and was directing her outburst to her flight companion, proclaiming
“These are descended from the canibal outcasts! Drifter ponies that lived somehow!
>But it was Breezy who explained “maybe two hundred years ago? I guess? There were six families. Well. There were a dozen ponies and half were mares and half were stallions and half were related and I think it worked out to six families.”
Considering the family dynamics described here and that the farmer ponies are six families who were all cousins by this point (or five families that were cousins and one that died out from full and complete incest depending on how I take those rumors). Does ratio your describe of Pegasi, Earth Ponies, and Unicrons still hold?
