>>2190
>I worry about one day becoming able to feel way to much stuff
This is a very bad mental block. It's rare to be able to feel more than you can handle. You really need to push yourself to that. I mean I literally did this but one of my skill is summoning uncontrollable forces then controlling them. But I had to push myself over the edge to be able to understand them

>Also recently learned that I bottle up a lot of my angry feelings
You need to understand where your anger originates from and why. You must never bottle your anger up without figuring out a way to properly release it (this was my old way of thinking). It's important to understand your feelings because the feelings is one of the most important part of energy work and magic.

>do you remember if my "shadow boy" really came from Lucifuge
Truth is it doesn't matter where it came from. Manipulating the shadows and hidden/unused aspects of others is easy and most of the time we do it unconsciously and usually it's born from our own weaknesses.
>octupus that I often see attached to my head and a wasp that my friend says it feels like the boy
Those are basic "mindcontrol" entities. The octopus fucks with your mind and the wasp "injects" you with things. But they can only play with your weaknesses. So if you understand your weaknesses they can no longer exploit it. Shadow work is one of the most important part of the path.

I had to realize most of my personality was born from the absolute desire to overcome this reality and protect what I am deep inside. Now I have to dismantle this "protection system" because it gets in the way of development. I had to realize my strength is my weakness and my weakness is my true strength but it needs proper development first. When demons explained what a pain in the ass I am because I programmed most of my subconscious to attack anything that even dares to fuck with me so the things they had to do to keep me perfectly asleep and calm on all levels so they can help me... I was not sure how to react to that. Currently I am trying to get aware of my auto-attack systems that are attacking way too mindlessly. Truth is the best defense is simply not having weaknesses. You are as strong as your weakest point. And currently I am aware of too many weakpoints. They would be not a real problem if I went back to mundane level but as someone who tries to move forward spiritually? These weaknesses are unacceptable.

>I worry about one day
Also you must stop worrying about your future. It causes anxiety that sabotages everything. It's hard to stop worrying I know but you need to build awareness instead of worrying. And never fear your potential. You and your world needs it.