I believe the death process and the afterlife are basically a dream while our life experiences are processed and incorporated into our spiritual self before unconsciously, and subconsciously, choosing or manifesting another reincarnation.
Key point: whomever you interact with "in heaven" or "in purgatory" are subjective projections of your unraveling psyche. Just as in dreams, sometimes "real" spirits can interact with each other if they resonate close enough, but we're for the most part surrounded by our own oniric atmosphere.
Also: there is no "planning" or "choosing" your next incanation any more than you plan or choose the manifestations you realize IRL or the karma you generate. It's all unconscious, based on the contents of your energy (karma).

How close am I?