Hearing about Jesus relaxes me, like gospel music. Sometimes when I'm driving and listening to recordings of my priest's best sermons I bought from my megachurch's store, I feel myself nodding off to sleep, but that'd be OK. I know that Jesus would take the wheel from my weary arms and I and my hummer would be safe: yea tho I pass into a school at high velocity and there was a valley of death, I would fear no charges, for thou would be with me. Thy choir CD comforts me. You prepareth a table before me in the presence of my enemies. My engine runneth over. And I shall dwell in the house of THE LORD forever and ever.

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Yea, THE LORD has provided an alibi in the presence of my enemies. When I was a suspect for injuring a Buddhist hippie, I made sure my slick city church gave me plenty of good character witnesses.

The most important things to care about in life are God, getting the highest paying job you can, and family in that order. I tell my kids not to become a hippy or try to save the world, because you'll be helping the Prince of Darkness extend his reign. The world will be gone soon anyhow, just forget maximizing your happiness now, and focus on how happy you'll be in the future when your everything here is gone.